cover my back.
i think something’s wrong with me, i think too much of what other people would feel or think. ends up i only do things one sidedly, i mean while i’m certainly not dying for some covering of my back. but i was just thinking, if only things are mutual. at least i’ve got some cover on my back, that i can just drop back on.
and i was also just thinking of how thankful i am for friends who concerns over me, that i know cos they whatsapp me or bbm or whatever out of nowhere. kinda almost died while i was in tekong, cos i had an incident when a series of stuffs happened and i shan’t elaborate cos army is sensitive with stuffs like online blogging and all. but im just glad i had friends who literally covered my back and ran to me to help me out. i’m what you would call an acts of service kind of person, i appreciate things better when i see it or hear it.
now when i think of stuffs like that, i think again of whether i’m doing that to the ppl i care for. im the same, but sometimes i just dont want to always be the one initiating. it kinda sucks when it always has to be you to start. i’ll admit that part. then again in the end, i would still do it. because I care enough, and my belief is that whn u care enough. u don’t just talk enough, the person has to feel enough too. and this is the part where it gets to me. makes me feel like throwing everything away so that i’m “free” from all kinda stuff cos i no longer have to try, to struggle anymore. though i know that the part on being free aint true, cos its just temporary.
i want to fight, to struggle, to win. but there are times i need to run, and i need to learn to run away properly. God has been good in many ways to me, i’m honestly saying that. but the human me still feels that whole lot of stuffs i’m feeling, God help me..
